<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>and now again by thechickandtheduck</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24341443">and now again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thechickandtheduck/pseuds/thechickandtheduck'>thechickandtheduck</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Forgiveness, Friendship, Introspection, Love, Romance, Season 5 Spoilers, Thinking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:14:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,249</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24341443</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thechickandtheduck/pseuds/thechickandtheduck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She knows she is not intruding. She understands that and, strangely, no one even came close to making her feel that way. But there’s a part of her that doesn’t want to let go of all her parts, the ones that she still hates.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora/Catra (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>and now again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>It feels almost as if she were doing something wrong.</p>
<p>Even now, that she has distanced herself so much from everyone cheering and laughing and well, kissing.</p>
<p>Because there’s so much kissing.</p>
<p>And still, just watching feels like an act of treason.</p>
<p>
  <em>(One more, but who’s counting?)</em>
</p>
<p>She knows she is not intruding. She understands that and, strangely, no one even came close to making her feel that way. But there’s a part of her that doesn’t want to let go of all her parts, the ones that she still hates.</p>
<p>
  <em>(I need to atone. How else would I do it?)</em>
</p>
<p>She can spot Scorpia, almost glowing, swinging from one place to another. She belongs there. She feels for her, so much time lost. But so much to do, still. And such easy forgiveness she got from her. She doesn’t feel like she deserves it. Not like that, not with a hug and a smile and the love.</p>
<p>
  <em>(But I want it. I want it so bad. And I will not take it for granted. I will earn it.)</em>
</p>
<p>She can even see Double Trouble. They are entertaining Frosta, filling everything with laughter and a simple joy that is not without their dramatics. They too had betrayed her. Did she deserve it?</p>
<p>
  <em>(I don’t know)</em>
</p>
<p>She doesn’t want to hold a grudge. She doesn’t feel like dragging all the hurt and the confusion back there, not when she finally thinks that she can start with something different. It still stings, though.</p>
<p>
  <em>(And how I betrayed myself. That too, still stings.)</em>
</p>
<p>She can’t find her.</p>
<p>Hordak is there. It goes beyond everything that she understands how that could have happened. But she doesn’t want to question it, either. He will have to answer, as will she. She doesn’t know when, but she is sure all of them will have to. She is ready for it. She aches for it. She wants to right her wrongs and she wants to finally allow herself to feel everything that she wants.</p>
<p>She sees it possible now. She can feel it in her body.</p>
<p>
  <em>(I feel it in my lips. Strong and just there. That can never be erased.)</em>
</p>
<p>“What are you doing here alone?”</p>
<p>Adora’s voice cuts through everything she is thinking. She is looking at her and smiling.</p>
<p>It is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen, yes.</p>
<p>“I…don’t know”, she answers. It’s not a lie.</p>
<p>“Are you avoiding me?”</p>
<p>
  <em>(Never. Not ever that. Not even when everything was so bad.)</em>
</p>
<p>“No!” she hurries to answer. She moves her hands emphatically and some words die in her tongue.</p>
<p>
  <em>(So sharp. Always so sharp, and look at me now.)</em>
</p>
<p>And Adora just…smiles again.</p>
<p>She does it with such warmth that for a moment Catra feels completely disarmed. She wants everything that that smile represents. She wants to be on the receiving end of it for as long as she can.</p>
<p>
  <em>(Forever)</em>
</p>
<p>“You could’ve fooled me”, Adora says, with a hint of playfulness that is not enough to hide something that might be fear.</p>
<p>“I am not avoiding you”, she answers now, firmly. There should not be any doubt about that.</p>
<p>“Bow and Glimmer were asking about you”.</p>
<p>And that genuinely surprise her. So much so that her eyes go as big as she has seen Entrapta’s go. Adora catches that and her face contorts into one of such tenderness that Catra doesn’t even know what to do.</p>
<p>
  <em>(Kiss her. I want to kiss her until we’re both tired and then some.)</em>
</p>
<p>“They want to celebrate with you. They are already talking about a party after we’ve all got some rest and…”</p>
<p>And Adora seems to be in the middle of having a huge realization because she stops and then her face breaks into an enormous grin.</p>
<p>“You’ve never been to a party…” she whispers.</p>
<p>And no, she hasn’t.</p>
<p>“The food! Oh, Catra, the food…” she starts and grabs her arm.</p>
<p>
  <em>(I wish you would take everything. Take me into your arms, please.)</em>
</p>
<p>And then that simple touch brings silence.</p>
<p>Not uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Not hurtful and sad and tense, like it was not too long ago.</p>
<p>It’s nice. It’s absolutely a bit scary, too. But in the best of ways. It’s both new and something they already know. It’s everything that Catra always wanted. She can’t speak for Adora, but she feels that maybe it is also somehow true for her.</p>
<p>“I don’t want you hiding”, Adora tell her, looking her in the eye and with her voice cracking.</p>
<p>
  <em>(I hope you see me.)</em>
</p>
<p>“I…I am not. I don’t know. I…”</p>
<p>“I know”, Adora says. “I know. But it’s no time for that”.</p>
<p>
  <em>(For what is it, then?)</em>
</p>
<p>“We’ll figure everything out. I promise. I won’t ever leave you again”.</p>
<p>
  <em>(You won’t. And now I know it.)</em>
</p>
<p>And then Catra can barely hold her tears.</p>
<p>It’s not a big show; it’s not even a thing. But Adora uses her grip on her arm to pull her towards her and now they are hugging.</p>
<p>Catra doesn’t know.</p>
<p>There’s so much she doesn’t know. So much she can’t even imagine.</p>
<p>Life outside the Horde.</p>
<p>How will she mange? That was all the home she ever knew.</p>
<p>
  <em>(But you are home, Adora. Now I know. Let’s do something about it.)</em>
</p>
<p>Making new friends.</p>
<p>
  <em>(But I already have new friends. And now I have to choose them every single day. I want to.)</em>
</p>
<p>Finally being who she wants to be.</p>
<p>
  <em>(This. Here. With you, Adora. And with Bow, and Glimmer, and Scorpia, and Entrapta, and all these princesses and this people. Free.)</em>
</p>
<p>“I won’t ever leave you again”, Adora repeats.</p>
<p>And Catra just wants to say it again. Make sure it’s real.</p>
<p>“I love you”, she tells Adora.</p>
<p>
  <em>(Please love me. I love you so much. Please love me, Adora.)</em>
</p>
<p>“I love you”, Adora says. And she does. She feels it all around her. She always has. And now she is willing to let it occupy all her spaces.</p>
<p>Adora is kissing her now, in the middle of her realization and her doubt and her head who won’t shut up.</p>
<p>And she is kissing her back with a fieriness that is different from the tenderness of before. She feels her against her body and clutches at her back and kisses her with all the longing she can muster.</p>
<p>“I love you”, Adora repeats again and doesn’t stop kissing her. They trade the words mouth to mouth, not like they used to trade secrets back in the Horde, and hurtful things that Catra know were trying to evoke any kind of feeling.</p>
<p>Know they evoke this.</p>
<p>For a moment she is willing to let everything go and kiss Adora until they can’t stay standing up anymore.</p>
<p>
  <em>(I want to lay with you. I want to touch you. I want you to touch me and I want to do everything I’ve always dreamt of.)</em>
</p>
<p>But she stops, gently separating herself from Adora, but only enough to be able to look her in the eye.</p>
<p>
  <em>(I want to be a part, too. I want everything else.)</em>
</p>
<p>“Should we go back to everyone else?” she asks Adora. She can see her melting.</p>
<p>
  <em>(You want me to be a part, too.)</em>
</p>
<p>“Yes”, Adora answer. “Let’s go together, yes?” She proposes.</p>
<p>Catra takes her hand and hold her head high. They walk together, feeling more powerful like that.</p>
<p>All has ended and is now about to begin.</p>
<p>There. With them. Together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, I started and finished She-Ra in about five days and I got crazy about wanting to write about it. I am open to ideas and everything in between. Hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>